On Turning 75

On Turning 75

         Yesterday was my 75^th birthday.  75!  Considering that my father passed away at 55 and his father at 61 I should consider myself fortunate that I have lasted this long.  I took a long look at myself yesterday and tried to formulate in my mind some wise remarks that I could include in this blog post. 

         I came up empty handed.  However, I would like to share some observations that I have made upon reaching this milestone. 

         Urgency.  I have developed a sense of urgency that I did not have prior to now.  I feel that affairs need to move at a faster pace so I can fit it all in.  I don’t want to “waste time” on mundane matters that might interfere with what I want to do.  I used to be very patient but that has changed.  There are things I want to do and have a fear that I won’t be able to accomplish them. 

         Insecurity.  In the past I have always been forward thinking and secure in meeting obstacles presented to me.  That is no longer as true.  I no longer trust my instincts as I once did.  My mind is not as sharp as it used to be and I seek confirmation and validation for my decisions much more.  I am not saying that I am a doddering “old fart,” but there are times when I feel that way. 

         Fear.  Things that go bump in the night arouse fear in me.  Health concerns are always present as I have to go in for a “tune up” much more often and I am acutely aware of aches and pains.  I fear that I am a burden to those I care for when we are together when they have to walk more slowly for me or patiently explain to me something I have misunderstood.  I have a fear of traveling alone that I never had before.  Again, that goes to an inability to make decisions or handle any urgent situations.

         Dismissal.  To be placed up on a shelf and only taken down occasionally for dusting is a scary thought.  To be considered a curiosity and examined only briefly and considered passé and out of date is daunting.  That leads to resentment, anger and depression.  I always try to be updated and interested in what is happening around me.  If I reach a point where I can no longer share my thoughts and experience I will be devastated. 

         I am reminded of T.S. Eliot’s poem, The Love Song of J. Alfred Profrock.

“ No, I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be….

To swell a progress, start a scene or two…

Politic, cautious, and meticulous…

I grow old…I grow old…

I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind?

Do I dare to eat a peach?

I shall wear white flannel trousers and walk on the beach.

I have heard the mermaids singing each to each.

I do not think they will be singing to me.”

         I certainly hope that I don’t become poor old J. Alfred, but there is always that fear.  However, I don’t plan on it happening anytime soon.  The 75^th birthday was a good day.   I was able to talk to many of the people I love more than life itself, I got a great birthday cake and felt properly celebrated. 

         I have a lot of adventures forthcoming and that is a wonderful thing!  I am a most fortunate person and am well aware of my many blessings. 

However, there are always those things that “go bump in the night.”