On Turning 75
Yesterday was my 75th birthday. 75!
Considering that my father passed away at 55 and his father at 61 I
should consider myself fortunate that I have lasted this long. I took a long look at myself yesterday and
tried to formulate in my mind some wise remarks that I could include in this
blog post.
I came up empty handed.
However, I would like to share some observations that I have made upon
reaching this milestone.
Urgency. I have
developed a sense of urgency that I did not have prior to now. I feel that affairs need to move at a faster
pace so I can fit it all in. I don’t
want to “waste time” on mundane matters that might interfere with what I want
to do. I used to be very patient but
that has changed. There are things I
want to do and have a fear that I won’t be able to accomplish them.
Insecurity. In the
past I have always been forward thinking and secure in meeting obstacles
presented to me. That is no longer as
true. I no longer trust my instincts as
I once did. My mind is not as sharp as
it used to be and I seek confirmation and validation for my decisions much
more. I am not saying that I am a
doddering “old fart,” but there are times when I feel that way.
Fear. Things that go
bump in the night arouse fear in me.
Health concerns are always present as I have to go in for a “tune up”
much more often and I am acutely aware of aches and pains. I fear that I am a burden to those I care for
when we are together when they have to walk more slowly for me or patiently explain
to me something I have misunderstood. I
have a fear of traveling alone that I never had before. Again, that goes to an inability to make
decisions or handle any urgent situations.
Dismissal. To be
placed up on a shelf and only taken down occasionally for dusting is a scary
thought. To be considered a curiosity
and examined only briefly and considered passé and out of date is
daunting. That leads to resentment,
anger and depression. I always try to be
updated and interested in what is happening around me. If I reach a point where I can no longer
share my thoughts and experience I will be devastated.
I am reminded of T.S. Eliot’s poem, The Love Song of J. Alfred Profrock.
“ No, I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be….
To swell a progress, start a scene or two…
Politic, cautious, and meticulous…
I grow old…I grow old…
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind?
Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers and walk on the
beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing each to each.
I do not think they will be singing to me.”
I certainly hope that I don’t become poor old J. Alfred, but
there is always that fear. However, I
don’t plan on it happening anytime soon.
The 75th birthday was a good day. I was able to talk to many of the people I
love more than life itself, I got a great birthday cake and felt properly
celebrated.
I have a lot of adventures forthcoming and that is a
wonderful thing! I am a most fortunate
person and am well aware of my many blessings.
However,
there are always those things that “go bump in the night.”
