Conversational Tennis

Good conversation is akin to a tennis match.  It is a matter of lobbing the topic and observations back and forth.  It is not a handball court whereby the observation is lobbed out and then merely bounces back without any human contact.  That is a speech, not a conversation.  In my advanced years I have begun to notice we have more orators than conversationalists.  That’s a sad thing. 

I have also noticed that it often very difficult to get someone to initiate the conversational serve.  That is frustrating and at times the game falters and the verbal ball just sort of dribbles away.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Oh, OK.”

“Anything interesting going on?”

“Not really.”

(silence)

“Oh, all right.  Nice talking to you.” 

Sad.

Another scenario is when people grab on to the ball and don’t hit it back.  You become relegated to an occasional “uh-huh” or a “is that right.” 

Frustrating.

At another time we often hit the “one up” person. 

“Drove over to the next town and had a great Italian dinner!”

“ How well I remember the meal we had in Florence.”

Good grief!

Game over.

I try very hard to be engaging in any conversation.  I am genuinely, yes, GENUINELY, interested in learning some one else’s story.  The largest compliment I can receive is when someone is genuinely, yes, GENUINELY, interested in my story. 

I have many, many friends with whom I can pick up a conversational thread immediately.  There are no awkward pauses and no orations.  It’s a wonderful tennis game with both being the winner. 

In my dotage I realize that I often repeat a story.  I’m sorry about that.  However, in a really good conversational game your partner just looks across the net, smiles and nods and allows you that little slip.  In true Parks fashion I might embroider it a little more and make it even more listenable! 

Therefore, this little rant is a reminder not only for the reader, but for me as well.  Eye contact, non verbal responses, genuine interest are gifts that we can all impart to others.