Purposes

 I saw a film today in which a line leaped out to me.  A husband said to his wife of 45 years that it was a shame that as one grows older we begin to lose our purpose.  It zapped me right between the eyes as I received that revelation.  It's not that I had not realized that prior to hearing this line delivered, but, at that moment, at that breath, at that mindset it took me aback.
As a youngster I always had a purpose of some sort.  It may have only been trying to find a way to get into town to go to a movie, which involved looking for loose change under the couch cushions and looking for empty Coke bottles to turn in for the deposit in order to purchase the nine cents needed for the ticket and a dime for popcorn and maybe a pickle.  Hey, it was a purpose!  As time moved along the purpose evolved in finding ways to impress my parents and worrying about how to accomplish it.  I was raised to play football by a father who had put a small football into my crib.  Freshman year came, I lined up to get my shoulder pads and purchased my first jock strap.  I trotted onto the field, threw up after a rigorous workout, and got the hell knocked out of me.  I kept it up until one night Dad came into my room and said,
 "Ronnie, I know the coach isn't doing right and if you want to stop playing, that's fine."
My heart leaped, but I looked thoughtful and replied,
"OK, Dad I'll think about it."
I couldn't turn in my shoulder pads quick enough the next day, put the jock strap in the bottom of my drawer in case, some day I might need it, and joined the band!
I realized years later that Dad knew I was miserable and gave me the honorable way out.  My point is that we usually need someone to allow us to reach our purpose.
All through the angst of the teenage years my purpose varied constantly, sometimes even daily!  This was the late 50's and my purpose was to get out!  College life beckoned and my purposes became clearer and clearer.  Again it was my parents who helped me achieve the purposes.
Bam!  I grew up!  Sort of!  (In a sense, at 74, I am still growing up.)  I graduated, fell in love, taught, served in the Army, had children, survived loss and my purpose was clear.
The girls grew up, I retired, had the prerequisite heart attack and continued on discovering my purposes as life went on.  The nest emptied and then….
Diane became ill.  It started out slowly and became increasingly insidious.  My purpose at that point became crystal clear.  My purpose was to care for the most precious person in my universe.  I was focused and I knew what I needed to do.  It was the most important job I had ever held.
Then, Diane made the transition and left this plane of existence.  I went through all the stages.  I was pissed, grieved mightily, cried uncontrollably and shook my fist to the heavens.  I swore I was going to slug the next person who told me she was in a better place and that she was no longer in pain.  As time passed I had no purpose.  However, eventually my logical psyche kicked in and I began to try to find my purpose once again.
I realized that my life had really changed.  Suddenly I found myself in a world of couples.  Friends began to drift away because they were uncomfortable with the sadness they were experiencing because I was reminder of the loss of Diane.  I began to talk to myself in the house, loudly rationalizing my state of mind and trying to find another purpose.
Traveling became one of my purposes.  It helps, but eventually you have to go home.  I still love to travel and thoroughly enjoy all my adventures, however.  I found a church in which I was not known as RonnieandDiane, but simply Ronnie.  That helped.  I found good single friends with whom I can share fears and joys.  I continued to search for my PURPOSE.
Then I went to a movie.  I heard the line about losing purpose as one grows older.  That caused what few brain cells I have left to begin trying to figure it out.  It is now late at night and I think I may have the beginning of the answer.  Want to know?  Here goes!
Purpose is not a single entity.  It does not involve a single goal, but rather is a constantly changing state of mind.  It begins with our personal bubble and as we breathe life into it a change happens.  It expands.  It grows and begins to encompass those around you.  You begin to assimilate and the purpose becomes apparent.  It is patience, understanding, love, appreciation and a willingness to allow others into your bubble.  It involves efforts to tamp down negativity and to reach out to those around you and make them feel comfortable.  Pollyanna?  Perhaps.  I prefer to think of it as common sense and a desire to be comfortable with me.  How am I going to accomplish this?
I'm writing this blog, aren't I?